I have had this web address for ages and never really made use of it. In some ways you need a purpose for something to progress and that can take quite a while. The purpose of this site is going to allow me a space to collect my thoughts on things relating to begin a father that deals with a child that has some circumstances that are different from the norm. Perhaps it will allow others to draw strength from knowing they are not the only ones dealing with this and allow me the same.
When our eldest was just over a year old he started developing a series of ear infections. Its seems like every 4 weeks he would have a new one. Eventually by about 18 months we were referred to an ENT. His diagnosis was that until the ears could drain properly the infection would never go away. For this he recommended a Grommet operation. However this was a total disaster. Our little man was left to wake up alone (giving him a trauma that he still deals with today) and the operation was poorly performed as he came out bleeding through both his nose and ears.
When he visited his pediatrician for followups we were assured that the grommets were in and working fine. However they were not. Pressure continued to build up behind his ear and he went more and more silent. At 12 months he was dead on all of the baby markers regarding vocalisation, by 20 months he would barely communicate. Over that time he went to many doctors and specialists and it was only once we found an amazing new ENT (quite by accident because we needed to take his brother who was showing the same signs and he was, and we had severed all ties with the previous one) that we were able to relieve that pressure and get him to hear again. Unfortunately by that time the important language years of 1-3 had mostly been lost. So all of the stories that you hear of kids getting grommets launching into words a few days after the op were not going to happen in our case.
During this time he was in a creche who we thought was great (well to be honest the baby section is still amazing) however in the class above that even thought we asked everyday how his day was (and was always assured that it was fine, that he had friends and participated well) we actually found out that he was pretty much left to his own devices. I must admit I have never been so angry in my life. Because he is so smart he manages very well at home, plays amazingly with his new brother and got by pretty much by lipreading and guessing your intent, however at school even though he was loved by all the staff he was pretty much an outcast. We found this out because we had taken him to a emotional therapist and the filled in form she got from the school was so dramatically different from the report cards and our day to day interactions with the staff.
We then after some exhaustive research on my wife’s part found a new school. He seemed to flourish again until his issues pulled him further and further away from his classmates. Due to issues in communication he also potty trained late and as such was laughed at a great deal by his class mates. We were very proud when he did figure the potty training thing out, however he has always been a very sensitive boy and that hurt him very deeply. The day that his teacher they said hey couldn’t do anything more for him was pretty much the hardest day for I personally have had to face. Again my wife rallied and managed to get him into a school that deals with kids that have special needs and he is far happier there then he has been anywhere else. We also managed to find (just to clarify when I say We its kinda the royal We, as it is normally my wife and her amazing ability to get things done) and awesome occupational therapist (OC) that is working with him now to great effect.
Each day now we are seeing improvements, things that 6 months ago we had been told were impossible are today less so. Simple things like him getting the sound of a letter or number right brings joy. The first time he signed and said (not quite letter perfect) I love you to his mom make you realise that he is just getting started.